Great au pair references come from people who can speak specifically to your reliability and experience with kids — think a recent employer, teacher, coach, or family you’ve regularly babysat for — combined with a short, easy request that gives them everything they need to write a strong letter quickly. Aim for two to three references who know you from different contexts, and ask them at least two to three weeks before your application deadline. A specific, detailed reference from someone who has actually seen you with children will always outweigh a glowing but vague one from a family friend.
Key Takeaways
- Choose two to three references who know you in different contexts — ideally at least one who has seen you with children directly.
- Avoid using parents, siblings, or close friends as references; host families and program coordinators discount them automatically.
- Give each reference a short “brag sheet” with dates, specific responsibilities, and a few stories to jog their memory.
- Always ask before listing someone as a contact.
- Rome Abroad builds reference guidance into every application as part of its structured, guided placement process.
Who Should You Ask to Be a Reference?
Host families want to hear from people who have actually watched you work — not just people who like you. The strongest references usually fall into one of these categories:
- A current or former babysitting/nannying family — even occasional or weekend care counts if it was regular.
- A teacher, coach, or camp director who supervised you working with kids or teens.
- An employer from any job, especially one involving responsibility, punctuality, or customer service.
- A coordinator from volunteer work with children — Sunday school, tutoring, youth sports, or a summer program.
Avoid family members, roommates, or close friends. They can’t speak objectively about your reliability, and most host families and placement coordinators will quietly discount these letters, even if they don’t say so directly.
What Makes an Au Pair Reference Letter Strong?
A strong reference is specific, not just positive. “She’s wonderful with kids” tells a host family very little. “She watched my two children, ages 4 and 7, three afternoons a week for eight months, managed homework and meal prep independently, and stayed calm during a minor medical scare” tells them everything they need to know.
The best letters include:
- How long and in what capacity the reference knows you
- Specific ages and number of children you cared for, if applicable
- A concrete example of you handling a real situation — a tantrum, a schedule change, an emergency
- A comment on your character: patience, punctuality, communication, judgment
- Contact information so a host family or program can follow up if needed
How Many References Do You Need?
Two to three references is the standard expectation for an au pair application. One should ideally speak directly to childcare experience; the other one or two can speak more broadly to your character, work ethic, and reliability. If you’re light on formal childcare experience, a combination of one babysitting reference plus an employer or teacher reference works well — host families are generally looking for a pattern of responsibility, not a resume.
Rome Abroad has placed more than 350 au pairs with host families across Italy, Spain, France, and Australia since 2015, and reference guidance is built into the preparation process for every applicant. That means you’re not guessing at what a host family wants to see — your coordinator reviews your references as part of the structured, guided placement process before your profile ever reaches a family.
When and How Do You Ask Someone to Be a Reference?
Ask at least two to three weeks before you need the letter. Host parents, teachers, and past employers are busy, and a rushed request often produces a rushed, generic letter. Reach out with a short, direct message — email is usually best because it gives them something to reference while writing.
A simple ask looks like this:
“Hi [Name], I’m applying to become an au pair through a guided placement program and need a couple of references. Would you be comfortable writing a short letter about our time working together? I can send over some notes on dates and specifics to make it easier, and I really appreciate it either way.”
Always give people an easy out. Someone who feels pressured to say yes may write a lukewarm letter — someone who genuinely wants to help will write a great one.
What If You Don’t Have Much Childcare Experience?
Plenty of strong au pair candidates start with limited formal childcare history. If that’s you, lean on references who can speak to adjacent qualities: patience, reliability, communication, and how you handle unpredictable situations. A retail or restaurant manager, a coach, or a teacher can all vouch for those traits convincingly. Pair that with even a small amount of informal babysitting experience — a neighbor, a cousin, a family friend’s kids — and ask that person to be specific about what you actually did.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
- Waiting too long to ask. A rushed reference is a weak reference.
- Listing someone without asking first. Always confirm before submitting their contact information.
- Choosing only family or friends. Objectivity matters more than enthusiasm.
- Giving no context. A one-line “she’s great” letter is far less useful than a specific one — help your references help you.
- Forgetting a thank-you. A short note of thanks costs nothing and keeps the relationship warm for future opportunities.
Strong references aren’t just a formality — they’re often what separates an application that moves quickly through matching from one that sits and waits. If you’re preparing your materials for a program like Rome Abroad’s Italy placement, take the time to line up references who can speak specifically and confidently about your experience with kids and your reliability as a person a family can trust in their home.
FAQ
How many references does an au pair application need?
Most au pair applications, including Rome Abroad’s, expect two to three references — ideally at least one that speaks directly to childcare experience and one or two that speak to your general character and reliability.
Can I use a family member as a reference?
No. Family members, roommates, and close friends are not considered objective references. Host families and program coordinators, including those at Rome Abroad, look for references from people like employers, teachers, coaches, or families you’ve cared for.
What if my references don’t have much childcare experience with me specifically?
That’s fine as long as at least one reference can speak to your reliability with children. Other references can focus on transferable qualities like patience, communication, and responsibility — Rome Abroad’s application guidance helps candidates figure out the strongest combination for their situation.
How far in advance should I ask for a reference?
Ask your references right away once you’ve applied. This gives your reference time to write something thoughtful and specific rather than a rushed, generic note.
Strong references are one of the simplest ways to move your application forward with confidence — let’s see where you stand.
Part of the Rome Abroad team helping young women live and work abroad as au pairs since 2015.
